Reflections: On Returning to the APA
Today’s reflection is brought to us by Dcn. David Hodil.
For those of you who may not know my background, I came to Anglicanism in an APA parish in Florida and then moved to an ACA cathedral not far away. When they left to join the Roman Catholic Ordinariate, I went with them and was ordained a Deacon. Because of my background, the question has been asked: why did Deacon David leave the APA and then come back?
The short answer is that I was seeking greater unity within Christianity, and at the time I believed that it could be found under the big tent of the Roman Catholic Church. And to be perfectly honest, the level of commitment to the church is one thing for a lay person and quite a bit different for clergy. I never cared for the Roman claims of universal jurisdiction and papal infallibility, but as a lay person, they really didn’t bother me that much. And given a certain number of intellectual gymnastics, some Roman Catholic claims can appear reasonable. But through a series of situations, I discovered that things were not as they seemed.
Unable to continue to hold contradictions together in my mind, I was having a crisis of faith of a magnitude previously unknown to me. I read an article by a devout Roman Catholic thinker and writer who had been brought to the point of agnosticism over the current state of the Church. I was in fear of the sin of despair. Not knowing what to do I reached out to an old friend, +Bp. Chad. Years before, Fr. Chad led me into catholic faith and practice and mentored me. It was Christmas time and my soul was in bad shape. We corresponded and he invited me back into the fold of the APA and told me about St. Paul’s. We met in person a few weeks later and spoke of Rome and many things which helped me place a lot of issues in perspective. I prayed the Angelus with him on the way to lunch which was like a balm on my soul. Everything else you know. I came here the day after meeting with +Bp. Chad and met all you good people.
I know a lot of this is personal, but I think it is important that you know that your priests and deacons deal with doubts and inner conflicts just like everyone else. We are all sojourners together as we make our way to the Eternal Day. God bless and keep you.
-Deacon David.