Reflection: The Three Dimensions of Forgiveness and the Problem of Self-Forgiveness
During the events leading up to Jesus’ crucifixion, the Gospels give us two characters who fall but take radically different courses of action in response. The first is Judas who, in light of his betrayal of Jesus, spirals into self-destruction, unable to turn to God or the other Apostles for forgiveness. The second character presented by the Gospels is St. Peter who denies Jesus thrice after he was arrested. John 21:1-19 details the intimate scene in which Jesus restores Peter by asking three times, “lovest thou me more than these?” One of these characters was able to receive forgiveness from God; the other was not. St. Peter was restored to become one of the greatest preachers in history while Judas died in a nihilistic act of suicide.
Forgiveness is the event and or process of releasing someone from a debt, resentment, or grudge. Forgiveness can be, and often is, a struggle. It has three dimensions: the vertical, the horizontal, and reflexive.
The vertical dimension of forgiveness pertains to our relationship with God. Divine forgiveness is unidirectional: God forgives us when we sin. We cannot forgive God because he can’t sin. We see this one-direction of forgiveness at the very beginning when God kills an animal and covers Adam and Eve after their sin. This primeval sacrifice foreshadows not only the intricate Old Testament sacrificial system, but also the ultimate sacrifice of Christ on the Cross which pays the debt of sin we couldn’t pay. Jesus offered his perfect life and death to God the Father, earning infinite rewards, what the Book of Common Prayer, calls merits. But since Jesus is God, he has no need for these rewards and so he passes them on to those who are in Christ. We receive those merits through our baptismal reality. We believe in “one baptism for the remission of sins.” Baptism immerses us into the Christ story that brings about forgiveness for our sins. Without forgiveness, we could only experience God’s justice which, in our state of sin, would only ever bring death. Forgiveness from God is the foundation for all other kinds of forgiveness. Only God can begin the cycle of forgiveness, restoration, and healing.
The horizontal dimension of forgiveness involves at least two human parties, either individual or corporate. First, there is the party that is wronged, in perception or by action. And of course, one of the first tasks is to determine the nature of the wrong: did it actually happen or was it imagined; was it done on purpose or by accident? Then there is the guilty party, the person or group of people who committed the wrong. Forgiveness, in this context, means releasing the other person from a debt or grudge, whether they ask for it or not. For this reason, horizontal forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. When one party sins against another, it drives the two apart. Forgiveness does not necessarily repair the gap between the two parties in an actual sense; reconciliation is a further process initiated by forgiveness in which both parties attempt to bridge the gap caused by the initial sin so that a relationship is restored.
The vertical and horizontal aspects of forgiveness are connected. Horizontal forgiveness is commanded of Christians because they have been forgiven in the vertical dimension. This is what St. Paul gets at in Ephesians 4:32, “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” The Lord’s Prayer makes it clear that the status of our vertical forgiveness can be affected by our capacity for horizontal forgiveness: “And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
The third and final dimension of forgiveness is reflexive. When we sin, it’s possible that we judge ourselves more harshly than others do. Indeed, we may even judge ourselves harsher than God does. Because sin is finite and there are some sins worse than others, it’s possible that we deem what we did as worse than what it was. For all the damage and horror that sin can bring on others, it’s always worse to commit a wrong than to be wronged because sin warps us. Whatever violence we unleash on others, it’s always a more severe violence done to ourselves. In his autobiography, Frederick Douglass requires the inhumanity of various slave masters. The most tragic example was the wife of his master when he lived in Baltimore. Initially, she was kind of Frederick because she had never participated in the demonic slave trade before. She even taught him to read. But when her husband chastised her for treating Douglass humanely, she began acting cruelly towards Douglass so dramatically that he describes the change in her disposition from that of an angel to that of a demon. Forgiving ourselves isn’t so much about releasing our selves from a debt as being convinced of what has been said in the vertical and horizontal dimensions. Self-forgiveness is integrating ourselves around what God has already made true about ourselves.
Much of the modern literature about self-forgiveness is dangerous because the modern world doesn’t see or recognize the vertical component of forgiveness, which inevitably warps the horizontal and reflexive dimensions. One major problem with self-forgiveness is an authority issue: if I have wronged God and others, who am I to forgive myself, especially if I have not been forgiven by those I’ve wronged? A second problem with rhetoric around self-forgiveness is laxity. This occurs when we let ourselves off too easily. “Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” we may tell ourselves. This problem is related to an additional one which is scrupulosity, the vice of being too hard on ourselves. Ultimately, this isn’t just a sin against ourselves, but against God, because we are effectively saying his justice is insufficient. If we lack authority to forgive ourselves and are constantly risking laxity or scrupulosity, then we need a voice outside of ourselves to assure us that we are forgiven. This voice is the Word of God: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
In coming newsletter reflections, we are going to talk about our identity in Christ, the importance of confession, and the application of self-forgiveness.
Reflection Questions
Reflect on St. Matthew 27:1-10. How are each of the three dimensions of forgiveness neglected in this passage?
Think about a time you were forgiven. How did you feel? What were the results?
Think about a time you have forgiven someone else. How did you feel? What were the results?
Create a list of people you feel God is calling you to forgive. Remember, Jesus Christ has died on the cross for each person on your list. Commit to praying for the people on your list on a regular basis and, if you find yourself unable to forgive them, remember that Jesus has forgiven them.